


What Am I For?

by basingtei



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: ASL, Aloy/Erend endgame, Artemis - Freeform, Ashel, Bisexual Aloy, Deaf Character, Deker - Freeform, First Time, GAIA restoration, Jaxe, Lip reading, Masturbation, Multi, OC's - Freeform, Oral Sex, Post-Canon, Sex Education, Slow Burn, all of that comes later, and some fluff, apollo - Freeform, but also dealing with real and hard emotions, enjoy some burning mutul pining for a while, hard of hearing oc, my first HZD fic, pain and pleasure, so dark and light story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-07-21 02:58:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basingtei/pseuds/basingtei
Summary: When Aloy finishes the battle at Meridian, there is little left for her. Her smaller purpose takes over; to restore GAIA. But when humans are involved it's going to be a battle between hearts and her brain. What feels right and what she has to do. This story follows her on the path of humanity.





	1. Alone on Main

Days after the smoke had cleared from the Looming Shadow, and even weeks after rebuilding had begun for Nora and Meridian alike, Aloy found herself intentionally alone. She sat on the top of a cliff directly east of Free Heap, close enough to see and, at night, hear the busy Oseram. She had been camping out here for four days now, hunting and returning to her little cliffside spot. She wasn’t herself and she knew it. 

 

She was sitting near the fire though the sun was high, taking apart ridgewood expertly, if a little rougher than necessary. Each stroke of her knife against the wood was a shaving of an emotion as chips fell to her feet. Stroke, anger. Stroke, guilt. Stroke, sadness. Stroke, loneliness.This had become her routine, acknowledging the feelings but not really addressing them. Stroke, confusion. Stroke, grief. Stroke-

 

“Damnit!” 

 

She got a little too lost in that last one and nicked her finger. Nothing major, but frustrating nonetheless. She sucked on her finger and frowned at the sun. She wanted it to be night. _ I want to lay on this cliff and stare at the stars for the rest of my life and never return anywhere.  _ She knew it wasn’t really true, but she was so… so what? There were too many emotions to deal with. She defeated HADES, helped make sure everyone was going to get the care they needed, and said the quickest goodbye ever and left. Just walked right away from the mess that was her life, even though the feelings haunted her like the worst personal demon. 

 

_ It doesn’t matter _ , she told herself. _ I did what I was made to do. _

 

That was the sorest spot of all, the fact that she wasn’t like anyone else. She couldn’t go back to the Motherland and live a normal life while being called ‘Anointed’ at any given moment. She was no big city dweller so Meridian was out. The Carja lived in hellish heat anyway. She couldn’t make it in the Claim, being able to maybe forge only small parts. And she wouldn’t dare go near Song’s Edge ever again. 

 

She sighed and took her finger out of her mouth, wiping the leftover blood and spit on a skirt flap. She didn’t belong with anyone because she wasn’t a person. She was indeed Motherless. GAIA and Elisabet made her. There was no pregnancy, no birthday, just a machine and some DNA for the sole purpose of stopping HADES and, as an afterthought, bringing GAIA back together and online. Only one of which she had finished. CYAN had given her wise words about GAIA and how to best restore her, as one AI concerned for another.

 

Aloy had been watching her finger run with blood again when she looked to her pack. Every time she glanced at it, a small beep came in her ear and GAIA immediately tried to talk to her.

 

“Hello Aloy, I currently am running at 9% efficiency-”

 

“Stop doing that!” She growled and looked back to her finger only to put it back in her mouth. She looked away from the pack and dug blindly for some small gauze wrap with the other hand. It took her a few moments before she realized her fear; she would have to go to a merchant. She would finally have to interact with another human being again. She wrinkled her nose and took her finger out of her mouth again. 

 

_ Maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe it will clot this time. _

 

She wiped her finger on her skirt flap again and watched her finger as it bled even more. She sighed and looked to Free Heap. She had to go, she didn’t have an alternative this time. With a groan she pocketed a handful of shards and pushed herself up. She could already hear the people and what they might say to her, especially about not hearing much about her whereabouts. But this was unavoidable. She needed supplies so this was necessary. 

 

She carefully made her way down the back slope of her cliff and walked into the village, trying to ignore as many people as possible. No one really wanted to bother a woman on a mission, a look she clearly wore, but this was Aloy and some people couldn’t help themselves. One person in particular who happened to be the loudest voice in Free Heap.

 

“Little spark!”

 

Aloy startled and turned around on the spot, not expecting her back so fast. The woman came up to her and grabbed her shoulder.

 

“Fire and spit, no one has seen you in weeks girl! Happy to lay my eyes on you.”

 

“Hello Petra. You’re as friendly as ever.” She smiled, feeling genuinely welcomed.

 

“Why are ya here, of all places? Not that I’m trying to shoo ya.”

 

“Its okay.” Aloy laughed a bit. “I just need some supplies.” She held up her finger and it dripped dramatically. She groaned internally and thought briefly that maybe it was more than just a small cut.

 

“Oh, little spark, ya save Meridian, ya save the world, and yer downfall is a little wound?” She smiled and grabbed her good hand, giving a good belly laugh as Aloy’s ears went red. Petra dragged her into what she could only assume was her home/workshop. She sat them down at a small table and Petra grabbed some gauze and a salve from her cabinet, sitting across from her. Petra held out her hand and Aloy complied, sliding over the finger leaving a blood trail.

 

Petra worked fast, smearing the salve with one finger and wrapping it quickly, tying it off to secure it.

 

“Well, seems you’ve done this more than once.” Aloy commented.

 

“Work with fire and ya always get burned. That’s not a saying, ya really do get burned until ya learn respect for the forge.” She smiled and Aloy gave a small chuckle. She dug into her pocket and handed a few shards out to Petra.

 

“Here, to restock and for the trouble. And to buy your silence.”

 

“Nah. I’ve got more than I need, and it ain’t no trouble girl.” She pushed the shards back into her hands and Aloy nodded, knowing arguing was pointless. “As for my silence, I’ll keep my lips wired shut because you asked, though I’m not really sure why. I’m sure ya have yer reasons. I did miss seein’ that hair straight from the forge.” She added with a small laugh. Well, small for Petra.

 

“Go to the merchant, stock up on what ya need, and I’ll make sure not peep leaks out.”

 

Aloy nodded and they stood. Petra walked her to the door and Aloy looked back.

 

“Thank you, Petra. You’re a good friend.”

 

“I good at many things.” She smiled slyly and Aloy gave a small exhale through her nose as a laugh. 

 

Aloy did make her way to the merchant, stocked up on salve, gauze, needles, and treated thread. Everything else she could either make or salvage from machines. Aloy made her way out of Free Heap and back to her cliff just as the sun was setting. 

 

The blues, oranges, and pinks that streaked across the sky let the temperature drop and her fire grow brighter and warmer. She threw a few more logs on the fire and lay against her softest pack. It wasn’t long before a beep came in her focus and showed the constellations in the sky, as well as two planets. 

 

“GAIA…” She warned.

 

“I was silent as requested. I noticed you like looking at the stars so I am showing you something new.”

 

With that, the AI went into rest mode, letting Aloy explore the ever darkening sky. She stared at the pre-mapped patterns for a while with a frown, but soon, she found something she had been wondering. Those three stars that formed a perfect line were part of a belt for a hunter named Orion. She had a faint smile, being able to picture this unknown legend pulling is string taught, ready at all times.

 

She reached up and clicked her focus off, watching the stripe of light and dark swipe across the sky. It looked like a dark storm of stars, yet it had never rained in her 20 years of watching it. She rolled over onto her side and tried to settle into any type of sleep she could catch, the small smile still gracing her lips.   

 

Drifting was easy, the escape from the fire and fear the started to drown her wasn’t. Her still mind had turned so quickly into a murk of HADES, the blood shed at the battle, the screams. Her screams. Her throat was on fire. How long could she scream? She watched as the spire crumbled down and just as the debris hit her she woke with a gasp. There wasn’t time to process what was around her, there was someone there on the cliff by her side. She panicked and wrestled them to the ground, trapping them beneath herself and pointing the spear into their neck.

 

“Aloy! Snap out of it!” 

 

She was breathing heavily as her brain seemed to turn back on. She looked down and in the pale lilac of dawn, she saw the end of her spear threatening to slice open Erend’s neck. She gasped again and tossed her spear on the ground.

 

“Erend…”

 

He look terrified and she couldn’t blame him. She closed her eyes and swung her leg over him to sit next to him. She rested her head against the rocky incline and closed her eyes.

 

“What are you doing all the way out here?” She asked.

 

Erend took a moment to sit up, rubbing his neck though there was no wound.

 

“I could ask you the same.” He said quietly. She tried to breathe normally. “Do you always scream in your sleep or was tonight a particularly bad dream?”

 

She paused before answering and letting her head loll forward, feeling like she hadn’t gotten any sleep.

 

“I wouldn’t know.” She said softly, looking to him. “But really, why are you near Free Heap?”

 

“Well, I got a very interesting tip.” He let the rest dangle in the air.

 

“Petra.” She said and rolled her eyes.

 

“Avad has been looking for you. And I’ve had to investigate every tip, either myself or sending someone. I was actually headed to Pitchcliff when the messenger caught me at the crossroads.” He paused and looked over to her. “They went on to Pitchcliff and I came here.”

 

“What would Avad want?” She asked, confused. She had done everything she could for Meridian and she was on her way to finish her own duties.

 

“He wants to throw a festival in your honor, but it’s not a party unless the aforementioned guest is there.” Erend laughed a bit. He knew she would hate it. And she reacted just the he thought she would, with a sigh and letting her head fall back onto the rock. 

 

No one understood how important her job was. It wasn’t time for parties. It was time to get her hands dirty and her mind even more muddled with the technology from the Old Ones.

 

“I… I’m a bit busy.” She said carefully without pulling her head up, watching the dawn. 

 

“So I hear.” He leaned against the same rock. “Running to the Cut, checking on the Sacred Lands, and now, heading to a pit where you were once almost killed.” He looked at the same sky she watched, wracking his brain. “What I can’t figure out is why?”

 

“Erend, it's such a long and complicated story. It goes beyond the Eclipse, the Red Raids, Looming Shadow... “ She turned her head to look at him with a small sadness he couldn’t understand in her eyes. “It’s bigger than all of us. I wouldn’t know where to start.”

 

“It’s usually easiest to start from the beginning.” He said with a smile and she smiled back at him, not really sure if he was ready. But she would try. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter songs:  
> Carry On - fun.  
> It's Time - Imagine Dragons


	2. Clay and Iron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguing is for children, logic is for those who seek it.

By the time Aloy had finished telling Erend about everything - starting with the Faro plague and leading up to her ‘birth’ and then on to the four days she had been on that cliff - the sun was almost as high as midday. Erend had asked questions at first but slowly grew silent, entranced by her tale of what he felt was fiction but knew was real. 

 

“And so now I’m trying to reboot GAIA and give her a facility that is at least functional for her to run her subordinate sections from. Sunfall has the best chance for her and it’s close to the spire. She is positive she can get a signal from Sunfall to Meridian even at her weakest.”

 

There was a stretch of silence where she weighed her options of ‘need to tell’ and ‘want to tell’. She opted eventually for the latter.

 

“I found some sections of APOLLO left in the Alpha Prime database.”

 

“Which is you now, right? Please tell me I got that right.”

 

“Yes,” Aloy laughed a bit and looked to him. “I am Dr Elisabet Sobeck, Alpha Prime for anything I need related to GAIA that she can’t reach. And since APOLLO has so much we don’t know, I think the best thing I can do is try to piece it together.”

 

Erend looked down at the burning coals of her fire that had gone out early into the morning. His mind was racing. To be honest, he couldn’t keep up. He got the main points though. One of which was unsettling both to himself and to Aloy, he could tell.

 

“You know you’re not a machine right?” He asked softly.

 

“I know.” She replied quickly, looking away. “I’m a different copy of Elisabet Sobeck basically.”

 

“Okay but you’re also your own person.” He rested his hand on her shoulder and she looked back to him. “You understand that right? I didn’t come out here to find Elisabet Sobeck, I came out here to find you. Aloy, the Nora warmaiden who could kill me in an instant.” He added with a smile.

 

She gave a small laugh, remembering the early morning vividly. 

 

“I know. I just don’t feel like it sometimes.”

 

She looked to her pack and clicked her focus.

 

“Hello Aloy. Currently running at 14% efficiency.”

 

Aloy smiled and looked back to Erend. 

 

“She’s doing better today than she was yesterday. I should be able to make it to Sunfall like this.” She paused and gathered up her bag and per large pack, putting away the little things laying around after four and a half days of rest. Erend took her arm to get her attention. She looked at him with surprise, asking silently with wide hazel eyes.

 

“Aloy, take a break. You’re human and you need something to do that isn’t some kind of quest to fix the world.”

 

“It’s what I’m for, Erend.” She said sternly, turning from him and lightly taking back her arm. 

 

He stood up and looked down at her.

 

“Damnit Aloy, you are a person! Even with your blood matching someone from the Old Ones, even if you are the spit of her - you’re not her! You have your own likes and dislikes and fears and hopes. You are a young woman of your own design, you can make your own choices. You are allowed to do what you want and get what you want out life.”

 

Erend took a deep breath, both out of breath from speaking, and terrified of what she might say in return. She looked up to him, finished packing her things, stood with her packs over her shoulders, and looked him in the eye. Just the look, the act of trying to see into him made him rub his face, trying not to blush. His words had gotten a little too close to the truth in his anger. That he wanted her to be happy.

 

“You can stand here and tell me how free I am all day, but when the sun sets, not one person on this planet understands. And that’s why I want to fix GAIA so badly; I need this part of my life to be over and buried.” 

 

They stood on the cliff and stared each other down, each as stubborn as the other.

 

“Come to the festival. Have a few more days of rest, and then head to Sunfall. That thing,” He said and pointed to the odd pack the housed GAIA for the moment. “It runs off the sun you said?”

 

“It does-”

 

“Well there isn’t a shadow in Meridian. Plenty of sun and needed rest and refreshment for you. I know big parties aren’t your thing, but I know if you try it, you might hate them less.”

 

She crossed her arms and her lip pouted a bit. Erends heart about exploded. She was not only beautiful, powerful, and ingenious, she was so damn adorable. Aloy looked to the ground and kicked a rock, trying to find a good reason to say no. She really did have to go to Sunfall, but having GAIA fully optimized before getting down to business was ideal. Her ass and back hurt from sitting and doing nothing. But she didn’t want to give in. 

 

“Erend, my whole life has built up to this. You know that. I just told you.” She said, fighting between her wants and needs.

 

“Aloy, for just a second, but down the bow and listen.” She was quiet as asked. “If you come to Meridian, I don’t have to do this damn dance for Avad all over any rock the sun can shine on. You’ll be doing me a favor, making Avad happy, and getting some much need ‘off schedule’ human interaction.”

 

She was quiet besides a small huff.

 

“Please?”

 

That was it. She was done for. Erend may be a person that had flown into her life recently but it felt like he could see right through her. As if they had been friends for years. Or something more. She looked up into his pale stormy eyes and nodded.

 

“Okay, alright. I’ll go.” Erend couldn’t hide his smile. “But the second I can’t take the attention, I’m out of there. I think I’ve had enough attention.”

 

Erend just nodded and stomped out the last coals of the fire. She shook her head at his goofy smile. She was sure he was much happier about this trip than she was. 

 

Together they slowly made their way down the slope, Erend less graceful and stomping into the dirt. Once at the bottom, Aloy used her fingers to whistle into the sky, her own sound bouncing off the high mountains. A few moments later a strider and a broadhead came up to them, accompanied by the ever telltale glowing blue that signaled they belonged to her. She smiled and tied her gear onto the back of the strider. Just as she was about to mount, she looked at Erend. He was staring at the broadhead like it was about to charge.

 

“You don’t seriously expect me to ride this thing?” He said, not daring to touch it. 

 

“I’m not going to Meridian on foot if I don’t have to.” She looked up to the sun. “If we ride now we should get to Lone Light before the sun even sets.” She hoisted herself onto the strider with ease and looked down to Erend, her eyebrow raised. “Well?” She said with a smirk that made his blood at least 20 degrees hotter from both anger and awe.

 

“Fine.” He said and scrambled several times to get on. When he finally did get settled, he was gripping the broadhead for life.

 

“Now what?” He asked.

 

“Now lean forward and try to keep up.” She said with a smile and rode off, Erend’s face splitting into a grin as he leaned forward to make the machine beneath him chase the fire before him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter songs:  
> Wake Me Up - Avicii  
> The Messenger - Linkin Park


	3. Sleep and Tell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for sticking with me. I am very sorry for the lack of updates. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please leave comments!!!

Aloy had been right; reaching Lone Light was just in time with the beginning of a beautiful sunset. They had ditched their rides before walking up the hill, not wanting to alarm anyone. Some people were still very wary of machines even though they had all become calm. 

 

Erend took their luggage and Aloy grabbed a pouch of shards as they entered the small encampment, turning into the only inn there. She met eyes with the Carja man who ran the inn and placed 40 shards on the counter. 

 

“Two rooms? Girl, you’re out of luck.” She cocked her head to the side and to looked to Erend. “All I have in one room and one bed. Take it or you can sleep down here on the floor for 10 shards.” 

 

Aloy looked around and saw the disgusting floor, stained with food, ale, mead, and blood. Dirt would be cleaner. She looked to Erend for an answer. 

 

“I don’t care. I’m sure the floor up there is cleaner than down here.” He said, bags under his eyes. 

 

Aloy huffed, not liking the idea of him sleeping on the floor. She took away 10 of the shards and put them back in the pouch. 

 

“The room and two meals. Oh,” she grabbed the shards and put down 5 more. “One mead and one ale sent to the room please.” She looked down as the innkeeper took the 35 shards and smiled.

 

“Be up in a while.” He grunted and she nodded. Aloy turned to Erend and helped lighten his load, grabbing her packs and the key that was slid across the bar to her. They ventured up the stairs and reached the one room left vacant. It was actually quite large, the bed was big too. They both threw their stuff on the bed and stretched a bit.

 

“I swear, I know my legs are there but I can’t feel ‘em.”

 

Aloy laughed. “You get used to it when you ride a lot. Maybe I can get you a strider instead. They’re a little easier to ride.” She opened the curtains and was instantly smiling. They had a perfect view of the sunset and a small balcony to watch it on. She was out on the balcony instantly, enjoying the soft cool breeze.   

 

Erend saw her hair on fire in the setting sun and smiled, heart aching. He came to her side as she looked out to the horizon. He watched her as she looked lost, her eyes miles away. 

 

“I’ve been there you know. Beyond the Sundom. It’s where Elisabet was. I found her way out there.”

 

“Why did you go?” He asked softly.

 

“To see for myself that she made it home,” she said with a soft smile. She turned to him. “Like she told everyone she would.”

 

Erend nodded and looked back out across the desert. “Where  _ haven’t _ you been?” He asked softly under his breath. Aloy had heard him and her smile reached her eyes.

 

“I don’t know yet.”

 

Erend looked to her in surprise and gave a good laugh, one from deep in his belly. She let out a laugh too, thinking to herself that all Oserom laugh in the same choir. She leaned her back against the railing and rested her elbows up. 

 

“Someday I’ll see it all. Everything beyond every border. Just not yet.” She said softly. 

 

“Why do you always feel the need to go?” 

 

“I don’t like feeling caged or stuck. Once I left the Embrace, there was no going back.”

 

Erend frowned and looked down. He wished he could find a reason for her to stay. He wanted desperately to be that reason, but any reason to make her stay would suffice. He sighed and walked out from the balcony to the room.

 

“You okay?” She asked.

 

“Yeah yeah, just tired and trying to make sure my ass didn’t wear off.” He busied himself with packing. She came to his side to help him put away their things. 

 

Once the bed was clear Erend started to pull off pieces of his armor. Gloves, gauntlets, boots, chest plate and belt were all thrown into a pile in the corner. As Erend smiled at the comfort, Aloy did the same. She rid herself on her quiver, her bracers, boots, skirt flaps, and heavy neck ware. She left her focus on as she got down into her leggings and under shirt. Erend had been watching her and his face was hot when she wiggled out of something. He tried not to look but he couldn’t help it, Aloy was the girl of his dreams but she didn’t seem to notice. He eventually looked away when a knock came at the door. 

 

Aloy was at the door faster than Erend, opening to see the Carja innkeeper with two meals and two mugs. She smiled and grabbed the tray, saying a quick thanks and shut the door. Aloy took the tray and set it beside Erend on the bed. She sat in the empty space that was left and grabbed her bowl of stew.

 

“I am so happy to see stew again.” She said with a smile and took a bite, enjoying the hearty favor of boar, vegetables, and bits of potatoes.

 

“It’s filling, that’s for sure.” Erend said, having already dug into his own bowl. They were both so hungry they finished their stew before even looking at the mugs. Looking to them, Erend grabbed one and smiled at Aloy.

 

“You know, I’m actually cutting back. I only have one every now and then.”

 

“Oh, that’s fine. The mead was for me anyway.” She smiled and grabbed her lighter colored mug.

 

“Since when do you drink?” Erend asked, a bit lost for words.

 

“Probably around the time you cut back.” She smiled and held her mug to his. He gave a small laugh and clicked their mugs together. The taste was sweet on her tongue, pure honey with just a bite. Her cheeks grew warm after just a few sips, settling on top of the stew nicely. Erend watched her carefully, waiting for some kind of joke but she sat quietly, enjoying the evening. He could have never imagined Aloy drinking. Well, he could and had before, but to see it real was something else.

 

“You’ve changed quite a bit Aloy.”

 

“Mm?” She looked up to him and swallowed. “I have?”

 

“Sure. Running to unknown tribes, going off the map, carrying around GAIA with you, drinking. It’s… you’re different.”

 

“Is it so bad?”

 

“No! No. It’s a nice change. You’re what, 20 now?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Even your face has changed a little. Still beautiful.” He bit his lip and took a drink. Aloy blushed a bit and looked down. 

 

“You’ve changed too.” She said and paused. “You’ve changed your hair.” 

 

“No I haven’t.”

 

“Well, your body changed it for you.” She tapped her temple. “Got a few stray silvers.”

 

He rubbed his head and frowned. “I promise, my family goes white early.”

 

She laughed and held her stomach. It made him smile and he sat up straighter.

 

“I guess I was wrong, you’re still the same wise cracking Aloy I know. Just a better version.”

 

She smiled and finished off her mead, pulling the tray and taking it off the bed to put it in the hall. Erend kept his mug and watched and she sat back on the bed with a soft sigh.

 

“I never remember how comfortable these Carja beds are until I’m in on one of them.” She looked down at the bed, soft and ready for her. She hadn’t been tired before but the mead was starting to heavy her lids. 

 

“Like I said before, you can have the bed. I’ve spent my fair share of nights with a pillow on the floor or worse.”

 

“You have bags under your eyes deep as canyons. You’re tired, I’m tired. Lets just be adults and share the damn bed.”

 

He looked at her like a scared grazer and she held back a laugh.

 

“You sleep on top of the covers and I’ll be under. It’s not unusual. Just inconvenient.” She paused for a moment and smiled. “You should see how the Nora lodge. Just as much privacy but imagine 20 or so people.”  

 

He smiled and nodded. “Not my kind of night but hey, all tribes are different.”

 

She crawled up to the head of the bed and slipped herself under the covers.

 

“I only slept like that once, the night before the proving, and I hated it. I went from just Rost and I to too many people in less than a day. Needless to say, I barely slept.” She yawned softly and lay her head down on the plush pillow.

 

He followed her lead and lay next to her, feeling the exhaustion from the last week. 

 

“When we are out on a mission we sleep in tents thin as paper. You can’t see anyone but… some of the vanguard get lonely and can’t keep it quiet.”

 

Aloy laughed even though her face turned red. “Desperate men call for desperate measures.”

 

“It’s usually the women I lose control of! As you may know, you’re all sneakier and smarter than us.”

 

Aloy nodded. “Yeah, I’ve noticed Oseram woman don’t hold back much.”

 

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Petra.”

 

His eyes went wide again. “Petra Forgewoman of Free Heap? She made a pass at you?”

 

“A pass?! More like she lookeds at me like a stalker looks at a wounded hunter.”

 

“Did anything happen?” He asked hesitantly.

 

She paused and her face went blank.

 

“I don’t kiss and tell, Erend.”

 

It was tensely quiet for a few moments before she smirked.

 

“Which is why I can say nothing happened.”

 

“You-You are such a-a Agh. I have no word for you.”

 

They laughed and fell into a comfortable silence. She let her eyes close and heard the steadiness of his breathing. She was thinking to herself, thanking any god out there that he was here with her. She felt calm and safe. Like sleep would actually come to her. The thought passed and into the warm void she slipped, Erends breathing a soft lullaby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song:  
> Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol


	4. Meridian and Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meridian isn't without it's surprises. New people to meet and old friends to visit.

The sun was quicker to rise than he had hoped, enjoying the warmth of the room, the smell of the stale mead, the feel of… weight? Erend opened his eyes and nearly gasped. Sometime during the night, Aloy had gotten from under the covers and rolled most of her body weight on top of him, her arm and leg gripping the life out of him. His face was hot. He tried not to let his thoughts run wild but how many nights had he dreamt of her on top of him, the morning light weaving golden strands into her fiery hair. Too many times to count and enough to take his breath away any second. It took him a moment to reel in his feelings before he gently reached out a hand and give her shoulder a shake.

 

“Aloy. Wake up.” He said softly. She was easy to wake, slowly looking up from her position on his chest. 

 

“Oh.” She said softly, yawning. “Morning.” She didn’t move, too comfortable.

 

“You uh… you gonna get off?” He asked, trying to sound tactful. He never in a million years would shove her off of him, yet she did need to get off before he was exposed of the natural morning occurrence that she in every way helped happen to him.

 

She looked down and at her legs. “Shit, sorry.” She rolled over easily enough and let out a small huff, now cold. She was never cold this close to the sundom, yet Erend’s presence had kept her warm, not the desert outside. She made a mental note to keep her hands to herself. She didn’t want to feel… well, anything that she shouldn’t. She didn’t want to need someone. She didn’t want to fall for someone. And most of all, having a few friends was the best thing that ever happened to her and she wasn’t about to throw all of that away because her childish heart wanted to leap like a rabbit at the chance. 

 

She sat up slowly, hearing her back pop and snap. Erend heard it too and sat up.

 

“You okay? You sound like you’re breaking.” He teased and she looked at him and gave him a small shoulder check with a laugh. 

 

“I’m not that fragile Captain, just adjusting to a good night’s sleep.” She smiled and he laughed a bit. A small drop of hot liquid fell into his stomach, loving being called Captain by her for some reason.

 

He got out of bed first and she crawled after him, stomach growling much too loud for her small frame. 

 

“Breakfast? My treat.” Erend offered, grabbing his boots and armor. 

 

“Sure. If we leave right after, we can make it to Meridian before the evening hymn is sung. We’re halfway there as it is.” She shrugged, grabbing her boots to get dressed.

 

“Deal.”    
  


She was dressed much quicker than him, making a comment that all that armor just slows him down, just like he remembered. He smiled and just nodded, knowing that she was just trying to get his goat. Too easy for her to do, to be honest. She helped pack and they headed downstairs for a classic Carja breakfast; eggs, toast, boar belly, and a cold soup that tasted of ginger and lemon. It was enough to get them by. Knowing they were heading towards civilization gave Erend some comfort. Just before they left, Erend paid for a messenger to go to Pitchcliff and send his men home. They didn’t need to stay there and wait around for him. 

 

Before long, Lone Light was behind them and Aloy had spotted two striders perfect for the trip. She whistled and instantly they bore the overbearing blue light that seemed to live in her, Erend felt. She tied her packs to the back as she hopped on, watching Erend. He had a much easier time mounting the strider than the broadhead. It was even a little slimmer between his legs.

 

“Good job.” She smiled genuinely.

 

“I’m a fast learner when I’m sober.” He grinned and leaned forward, making her laugh as she took off to catch up with him.

  
  


The bridge to Meridian was a sight for sore eyes. For Erend, it was the doorway to home. For Aloy, it was a path down the road of anxiety yet also comfort. As they dismounted the striders and grabbed their stuff, Aloy counted all the people in the sundom that she knew and considered herself close with. Vanasha, Talanah, Avad, and even Marad. She gave a small smirk, how ironic that the spymaster for a king would make her list of friends. Or a king in the first place. 

 

Aloy let the striders free of her control and sent them running to the nearest herd. The guards stood at attention at the sight of the redhead, seeing her far off and then Erend up close. To the Carja army that fought with her, she was worthy of the respect. It was unanimous among the ranks; she was a born leader. And with Erend, the Captain of the Vanguard, he of course earned that respect. The guards stayed straight until out of either of their peripherals, both of them making their way over the bridge. Aloy’s steps were light next to the clanking boots of Vanguard armor. As comical as she found it, each step gave her more and more emotions to consider. Did anyone miss her? Would she be treated like Avad now? Would anyone reject her still? She shook her head. None of these mattered. She had been dwelling inside her head for too long. She’d become soft and dependant on approval. Since when did she care what anyone thought of the motherless outcast? 

 

The end of the bridge was upon her, a roar of cheers erupting suddenly, ripping her from her thoughts and making her jump.

 

“She’s back!” “The Nora Defender is here!” “Aloy is back to Meridian!” So many voices she winced and turned and looked to Erend. He shrugged and smiled.

 

“They missed you.”

 

She rolled her eyes and adjusted her pack on her shoulder, trudging forward through the people with a polite but pointed nodded. No torches or angry mobs was nice, but attention the other way, while surprising, was a lot. Even now, after everything she had been through. As she made her way through the crowd, the people thinned out and the cheers died down. Erend caught up to her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Aloy, you okay?”

 

She looked to him, right at her side where he always seemed to be and slowed her pace. 

 

“Yeah, it’s just… still new.” She sighed with a small smile, thankful for the support. He nodded and motioned toward the Sun Palace.

 

“Let’s get the hard part over with, then you can venture through the city. I know politics isn’t quite your thing either so, better now than later.”

 

She nodded and huffed a bit, following his lead. People weaved their way around the two, making a path for them. She was crossing the second bridge in no time, coming up to the palace gates. 

 

“Well well, you finally found her.” One of the guards said to Erend. He just punched him in the arm.

 

“Aw, did you miss us, Cap?” The other said.

 

“Shut up, the both of ya.”

 

They all shared smiled and laughter, minus Aloy. Erend hadn’t forgotten her presence, he looked back to her soon enough.

 

“Aloy, these are two of the Vanguard that helped us on the spire. This idiot here is Jaxe, and that one is Deker.”

 

“Hey!” The aforementioned ‘idiot’ complained, which earned him a jab from the other. Jaxe was fair skinned with sandy hair and brown eyes. He was shorter than Erend by a few inches with a thinner build, but Oseram nonetheless. Deker was quite tall in her opinion, but she was biased from her 5 foot and so view. He had black hair, deep brown skin, pale green eyes, and muscles on muscles. Aloy idly wondered if all he did was train. They both seemed older than her, but younger than Erend, Deker the younger, having no facial hair. 

 

“Nice to actually meet you.” She smiled and took both of their arms in a classic shake. “I promise I’ll try not to swing any deathbringers this way.” She added with a laugh. The men laughed at her joke and Erened motioned for them to go through the gates.

 

“Deker, update me when we get out of here please? I hope the rounds haven’t been bad.”

 

“Nah, just boring.” Deker nodded and let them pass. Aloy walked inside in silence, having arrived before evening meant just a few nobles were lingering to petition Avad. They still whispered as she passed but that wasn’t on her mind. Those men, the Oseram guards, they had fought with her on that day… they had risked their lives and she hadn’t even known their names. That day left no room for pleasantries but now… to interact with some of the men that helped her save the world, it was surreal. They knew her but she didn’t know anything about any of them. It weighed on her as guilt, more guilt. She had just walked away from the battle to collect herself and ended up having to be dragged back by one friend at the request of another. Her mistakes seemed to be stacking despite all the good she thought she had done.

 

“Aloy?”

 

“Hmm?” She looked up and realized Avad Erend and Marad had been speaking together, even to her. She glanced behind her, seeing the doors closed. “Sorry, lost in thought.” She offered with a frown, looking to Avad who had called out to her.

 

“No worries, I can only imagine what could be on your mind. I was just asking how your trip was.”

 

“Not bad.” She let her pack slump off her shoulder and rest at her feet, careful not to drop it. “Stocked up at Free Heap and got some rest at Lone Light.” She shrugged casually. 

 

“Free Heap? I wonder why I didn’t think of that…” Marad rubbed his chin and mumbled.

 

Avad tilted his head a bit and motioned for Aloy to take a seat on the chaise opposite him. She took her seat and looked up to Erend. 

 

“I’ll meet you outside. You won’t be hard to find.” He smiled and headed towards the doors, his job done. She frowned a bit and watched him go. Avad quickly drew her attention.

 

“Tell me about your travels.”

 

“Is that really why you’ve been looking everywhere for me? To make a travel log?” It came out a little harsh and she bit her own tongue. Avad sighed and bowed his head a bit. Marad took off, out of sight but not far from ears.

 

“Aloy I’m sorry. I know this wasn’t the best way to bring you back but I feel it must be done. No one can thank you enough with a festival or any amount of riches for what you’ve done for the world. For this city and all its people. But I need to try.”

 

“No you don’t. I did what I had to. You helped in anyway you could, so did the people of Meridian and anyone we called on. All arms were raised and we all came out victorious. That’s enough for me.”

 

Avad paused and rubbed his hands together. 

 

“I know that. Those close to you know that. The general people however want to celebrate. They had losses and hardships. This was not a stepping stone as you might see it-

 

“No! No. I didn’t mean that.” Aloy grumbled and looked down. “Look I know my life seems like its all fighting some war against machines and humans but it’s not. It’s over. This was the only part of my life that has been warful and it’ll be the only part when I’m finished.”

 

“Finished? Is the battle not over?”

 

“It is.” She nodded. “I just have one more large component to fix and everything is over. I’ll finally be done.” She looked down to her pack and GAIA spoke in her ear, nearly half charged. Aloy laughed to herself and wondered if it was the heat. 

 

Avad, being curious, reached for her pack and out of reflex she hit his hand with a loud smack. She gasped the same time he did.

 

“Sorry! Avad I’m so sorry.” He laughed and rubbed his hand. 

 

“You’re quick. That bag must be your last mission then?”

 

She smiled with him and lifted the pack onto the chaise beside her. She held one hand to her focus and looked to the pack.

 

“Be good.”

 

She took off her focus and handed it to Avad.

 

“Put this on your ear and then press it into your temple.”

 

He looked at the focus and held it gingerly. Aloy muffled a laugh.

 

“It’s not going to hurt.”

 

He frowned at her and did as she requested.

 

“Hello Sun King Avad, friend to Aloy.”

 

He was taken aback and his hand flew off his temple, not turning off the interaction. He looked to Aloy for an explanation and she crossed her arms and raised a brow at him. He needed to figure some things out on his own. He looked back to the pack, noticing so many purple and blue markings, including a purple net that seemed to surround them.

 

“Hello?” Was all he could comprehend to say. 

 

“Good to meet you. I am GAIA, an artificial intelligence. Aloy is in the process of completing my reinstallation at the place you call Sunfall.”

 

Avad was slack jawed, not understanding much. 

 

“That’s a long winded way of saying ‘Hi, don’t touch me’.” Aloy laughed, having guessed what she said. Avad pressed his temple and turned off the connection, handing Aloy the focus.

 

“That was… overwhelming. You see all of that all the time? Is that what they mean when people say you can see the unseen?”

 

“I see all of that when I choose to, yeah. I’m used to it. I’ve had this since I was a child. It’s called a Focus. Helis and the Shadow Carja had them too. They used it to communicate.”

 

Avad nodded and looked to the pack.

 

“So, you are headed to Sunfall?” That was about all he could gather.

 

“It’s my final step. I’ll be there for… who knows how long. But once I’m done turning the auxiliary access point into the new Prime for her, I’ll need to run a lot of diagnostics and see how everything is connecting with the subordinates. A few more things too…” She trailed off, mainly talking to herself at this point. 

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand.” Avad said and smiled sheepishly. Aloy laughed, forgetting how long she had been the sole bearer of this knowledge. 

 

“It’s okay. The blue light that is coming out of the spire and the light that comes from calm machines are from the same source, GAIA. She is a big machine that runs all of the little machines. She’s so big that she needs her own building to function properly. Which is where Sunfall comes in.”

 

“The ruins beneath I’m guessing?”

 

Aloy nodded. 

 

“That’s a lot. You’ve already been through a lot, yet here you are, on another journey.” Avad mused to himself, looking out over the balcony, watching the sun come closer to the sand. Aloy stood and came next to him. 

 

“Its in my nature to move on to the next thing.” She said softly.

 

“This I know. How it’s not painful for you, I’ll never understand.” He paused and looked to her. “Please don’t be cross with me about the festival. If not stay for them, stay for me?” He asked, a tender look in his eyes. She melted a little bit and that caught her off guard. Since when did those eyes seem so deep? She found herself nodding before she knew it and his face split into a smile.

 

“I know it means the world to them. I promise you won’t be burdened.”

 

She smiled softly and picked up her pack.

 

“I better not. King or not, I’ll always speak my mind.”

 

“I’d expect nothing less.” He said with a small laugh as she backed out of the room, pack on her shoulder once more. 

 

She walked passed the Carja nobles with her head high, feeling better than she had in days. The guards greeted her in passing and she had a small smile on her face by the time she ran into Erend in the marketplace, the sun kissing the horizon. 

 

“Hey! You look better. Ready to party?”

 

“Hardly.” She said with an eye roll. “I do need some proper attire however, I don’t think I’d be welcomed into a party with armor on.”  

 

“I dunno, it is  _ your _ party.” Erend said and bumped her with his shoulder.

 

“Hey you’re right. Maybe I should go override a sawtooth and bring that too. It’s a party, right?”

 

“It’s a festival, not a hunting party Aloy.” He said with a shake of his head.

 

“Eh, was worth a try.” She looked around the marketplace, both of her packs weighing on her. “I think I’m gonna find a place to stay before I shop, I’ve got enough to carry right now.”

 

“I know just who you should see.” He motioned for her to follow him and she did. They ended up not far from the main market, a small inn within sight of the hunting lodge. Inside she had expected to find a Carja man but as she approached the bar a young Oseram woman was working, about her height with similar build, which would be considered small by Oseram standards, but her shoulders bore her clan markings to say otherwise.

 

“Ashel!” He waited for her to make eye contact, not saying anything else. The woman turned and smiled.

 

“Hey Captain.” She said in a soft, beautiful voice that took Aloy by surprise. She followed her words with a small half salute with her right hand. “Aloy, welcome back.” She followed her words again with a closed fist dragging downward in the air and then her hand opened and made a scooping motion toward her abdomen.

 

“You say my name like we’ve met. I’m sorry that I don’t remember.” She said and tilted her head to the side. She would have remembered meeting her. Those deep blue eyes, the sunkissed hair, rosey cheeks and tan skin. Even her hair itself was styled uniquely; shaved on the left half and grown out on the right and braided back. It would look odd on most people but it fit her so well.

 

“She was helping hold the line while you took out Helis.” Erend said with a fond look Ashel’s way. 

 

“Another name I won’t forget.” Aloy smiled and turned to the woman. “Ashel, thank you for everything you’ve done to help. I know I’m late, but I mean it all the same.”

 

“Its okay,” she added with a few hand motions. “I was happy to help. I assume you need a room?”

 

“Please. I need to put my stuff away and shop and oh, I don’t know, hide from a Sun King, A Vanguard Captain, A Spymaster, and a Sun Hawk. Got a room for that?” Aloy asked with a small laugh.

 

Ashel’s face was scrunched up. She looked to Erend and shook her head, raising her fist to her chin and then quickly raising her pointer finger up next to her temple.

 

“Yes. She means Yes.” Erend says clear and steady. Aloy raised an eyebrow and watched Erend out of the corner of her eye, he pointed to the corner of his mouth and then made talking motions with his hand rapidly. 

 

“Hey!” Aloy said and Ashel and Erend laughed. 

 

“Aloy, I’m sorry.” She paused and rubbed her fist over her heart with a smile. “One of those guns exploded near my head at the battle. I lost a lot of hearing.” She motioned to the left side of her head and turned. Under the hair that was short was red, scorched scalp. Aloy recoiled internally. She was lucky any hair was growing there at all. Her ear was a little deformed too and red as an angry glinthawk. “Erend, who I know is your friend, just said you talk a lot. I assume with sarcasm? Yes. Erend’s face says yes.” She laughed again and Aloy turned to him, giving him a scowl. Aloy turned back to her, letting her face relax.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Aloy said steadily. 

 

“Don’t be. I’m just lucky I’m still here. My city is safe, my friends are safe, and that’s what matters to me. I was running this as a shelter for a while but now it’s an actual inn.” She dug under the counter and came back up, handing Aloy a key and a bag. 

 

“First room up on the right. Soap, bath oils, and plenty of other things in the bag.”

 

Aloy smiled and took the items. “You’re spoiling me. Thank you.” She said with a big smile. Ashel nodded to her and then resumed her work. 

 

“Come on.” Erend said and grabbed the key from her. He lead her upstairs to her room. It was bigger than she expected. Large Carja bed, spacious bathing area, and even a balcony that looked over the marketplace. Aloy smiled and set her things on the bed. The sun couldn’t be seen anymore, just the sunset mixing into the clouds. She clicked her focus.

 

“Time to tuck in GAIA.”

 

“Sleep well, Aloy.”

 

And with that, GAIA put herself in sleep mode to preserve power. Aloy turned on her heel and snatched the key from Erend which gave him a surprised look.

 

“I need the key, not you.” She smiled and sat on her bed.

 

“I never intended to keep it. What would I even do with it?” Oh, why couldn’t he hold his tongue. He knew what he could and would do.

 

“I don’t know, wake me up for some parade? Give it to Marad so he can keep tabs on me?” She smiled, all of these ideas jabs at him. He sighed and sat next to her.

 

“Look, I know you’re here as a favor, just try to relax okay? No one is out to hunt you down. It’s time for human interaction and relaxation.”

 

“Opposites, but I’ll try.”

 

“Aloy...” He said with a hint of warning.

 

“I said I’ll try. I can only do so much.” She looked out her window and saw the lights of the city start to flame. “People are weird.”

 

Erend but out laughing and she let out a laugh herself.

 

“Says the machine slayer.”

 

She shrugged. “I get machines. No hidden meaning in words or thoughts.”

 

He looked to her. “You sure you’re not Oseram?”

 

“Oh Erend, wouldn’t that just make your day.” She said in a sultry voice that was meant to be a joke but the air between them shifted. She hadn’t meant to imply... but that’s how he took it. And now it was out there. Both of them trying not to tip over the line. She wasn’t aware of her actions. She had been searching is beautifully silver-blue eyes for something. An answer. A question? She wasn’t sure but she had leaned in and now they were just a breath apart. Erend’s eyes were locked with hers, he couldn’t move. He didn’t dare. Her hazel eyes were too much. They could hold him forever. Hearing someone behind them clear their throat, she jumped back and looked to the doorway to see Deker.

 

“Sorry for uh, interrupting? But I’m off and we need to brief and revamp the schedule.” He said with a smirk and leaned against the door. 

 

“Right. Sorry.” He turned to Aloy and stood, backing out of the room like a scared dog.

 

“Aloy, if you need anything while you’re here, let me or Ashel know.” Deker said.

 

“Why you too?” She asked.

 

“I live here? Ashel is my wife.” He said as if it were obvious.

 

“Lucky.” She said with a smile before she could bite her tongue. She wasn’t sure who was luckier or why she even said that. Deker responded just as fast.

 

“Don’t I know it.”

 

“Okay, we got work to do, right?” Erend said, trying to back out of the room still. Deker nodded and they turned to leave, Erend giving her a small wave before closing the door. Once alone, Aloy all but collapsed onto the bed, emotionally overwhelmed. What was her head and heart doing today? Has she really been so lonely that now damn near every person was immensely attractive? Even those she previously knew? Or was this a cruel joke she wasn’t in on? She groaned and clicked her Focus.

 

“GAIA. I need to talk for once.”

 

“I’m here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Aloy! Dealing with too many emotions at once and being openly attracted to a lot of people???? Not easy. Oh what else is in store for her. ;) Please comment!!!!
> 
> Chapter Songs:  
> Pompeii - Bastille  
> Love Somebody - Maroon 5


	5. Eyes on the Prize

“Aloy, all of this, as far as I know, is perfectly normal for humans.” GAIA said in a voice that was clam, but to Aloy seemed condescending.

 

“How am I supposed to know? Rost wasn’t the best when it came to this kind of stuff. My cycle talk was during a hunting trip and his mating speech was two minutes long, and that’s being generous.” Aloy huffed and crossed her arms, her body turning to the side and curling inwards. 

 

“I can explain anything you don’t understand regarding the human life cycle.” GAIA offered.

 

“No, I don’t need that. I just want my body to stop these nerves and the weird knots I’m getting in my stomach. I have to fix you, I don’t have time for my heart to be thrown around in romances and flings.”

 

GAIA was silent for a long pause before speaking again. “You are so much like Elisabet. She also put her revolutionary pursuits before her own desires.”

 

“It’s what I’m for. It’s why you made me.” Aloy said softly. 

 

“While this is true, your reasoning is flawed.”

 

“Oh yeah? How’s that?” Aloy asked and closed her eyes, pressing her lips in a hard line. GAIA was used to her bitter tongue so she never held back her emotions.

 

“I did create you to help stop HADES and find me, that much is true. And although the world you live in seems to be stable, you push yourself to keep me near you, even to the point of trying to help me acquire full optimization. This, I never asked of you. This, Aloy, you chose to do. Granted, only  _ you _ can do these things, but you still chose. What you are for is up to you to decide on your own. Each human has that right, you should as well.”

 

She kept her eyes closed and tried to let go of the tension in her body. She lobbed off pieces of armor onto the floor and crawled under the covers. She let her breathing level out, even with her head spinning. She felt bad asking a favor of her, but GAIA had the power. 

 

“Can you please play me something to soothe my nerves?”

 

“Of course.” A lovely tune started to play softly in her ear. “Playing Prelude Op. 28 No. 15 in D-flat Major - Raindrop by Frederic Chopin, Circa 1838-1841.” 

 

“Thousands of years ago but still so beautiful.” Aloy said in a whisper, yawning and letting her mind run with the high notes.

 

“Time to tuck in Aloy. Sleep well.” GAIA said and put herself in rest mode, letting the music continue to lull Aloy to sleep.

 

Aloy woke as dawn was breaking, soft notes in her ear laying against a lilac sky. 

 

“GAIA?”

 

“Good morning Aloy.”

 

She blinked and sat up slowly, stretching. The beautiful tune faded slowly and she looked down at her pack, activating her focus. 

 

“Were you playing music all night?”

 

“Yes. You seemed to sleep deeper.”

 

“I did.” She paused and realized how revitalized she felt. “Thank you. Just don’t use all your power like that. You’re back down to 39%.”

 

“I can do simple functions for now. However, I will respect your wishes and stay in power-saving mode as much as possible.”

 

Aloy nodded. “Good.”

 

She got up out of her bed and reached for the bag that had been given to her the previous evening. Bath oils, soap, lotion, a comb, and something labeled for her hair were included with a few towels. She smiled and rushed to the bathroom, excited to have a real Carja bath. Yes, she had been spoiled but there was no turning back now. 

 

As the tub started to fill with warm water from the desert springs, she put the oil and soap in the water, smelling like a bakery and flowers, the water cloudy. She took of the remaining of her clothes and sunk herself into the water just as the tub was finished fulling. She turned off the flow of water and started to scrub her body with a washcloth, the dirt coming off easily. She eventually got to her hair and took out the beads, unbraiding her hair sections and washing it fully, rubbing the scalp that needed so much attention. When the dirt and grime was gone, she grabbed the hair bottle and read the directions. 

 

“Apply to wet hair thoroughly and let set for 10 minutes. Comb out tangles and rinse well.”

 

She quirked an eyebrow and opened the cap, a large amount of white salve coming out, almost like a lotion. It smelled like the flowers in her bath oil. As she tried to get every strand of hair, she noticed it was also a bit slippery. She sat up fully so her hair wouldn’t drop into the water and twisted her hair in the cream, using all of it, and made a makeshift bun on top of her head. She sighed and let the water soak into her skin, rubbing the dirt and grime off her face and neck while her hair ‘waited’. She got impatient and started to comb out her hair just 5 minutes in, taking another 15 to separate and comb out all the horrible mats and tied loops. After her hair was finally smooth and tangle free she rinsed her hair the best she could with so much soap in the water. 

 

Aloy pulled the plug and as the water was draining she ran some more clean water, putting her head under to get all of the salve out. It worked much better with clean water.

 

With the tub empty and her entire body clean, she grabbed a towel and dried herself, her hair included. She combed out her hair again and looked to the mirror in the bathroom. Her hair had never seemed so… controlled. She smiled and looked at the red curtains. It was fine hair with shine to it, the ends bleached from the sun. It didn’t frizz or clump like it usually did.

 

Aloy grabbed the beads and put them away in her pack, wanting to have her hair free, even if it did make her feel a bit naked. She looked through her clothes and found clean leggings. She also found her light blazon and decided that would be enough armor, taking her spear strapped to her back and a sack of shards with her. 

 

She locked the door behind her, one pack around her shoulders; GAIA. Everything else was in the room. She slipped the key in her boot before departing downstairs.

 

“Morning Aloy.”

 

She was surprised but a second later smiled, looking over to Deker who was sitting at the bar opposite of Ashel. 

 

She reached the bottom of the stairs and ran a hand through her wet hair. 

 

“Morning Ashel. Deker, shouldn’t you be on guard?”

 

He laughed as she sat at the bar with them. 

 

“No, I’ve got today off. Finally.” He added the last part under his breath. 

 

She signed and looked down. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into Avad. You guys have been working so hard since the battle, and then he sends you all over the Sundom to find me. But if it makes you feel any better, a gave him a stern warning.” She leaned on the bar with her arm. 

 

Ashel laughed and patted Aloy’s hair.

 

“Anyone who can give Avad a piece of their mind without being lectured deserves forgiveness.”

 

Aloy blushed and smiled. 

 

“So, breakfast?” Deker asked. She just nodded and zoned out as he talked with his wife. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to make it dry faster. Her mind strayed to the events of today; shopping and possibly visiting more friends. She didn’t mind visiting merchants. She usually did to sell her scrap or buy new armor. She wasn’t doing any of that this time, nor did she know what merchant to go to. All of it made her a little anxious. 

 

A plate was set in front of her and she smiled at the sight. Two eggs, a large slab of boar meat, a glass of cool juice, and a scoop of spiced rice. She looked up to Ashel.

 

“Thank you, looks great.” She said with a stomach growl the only pause between her speaking and grabbing a fork. Deker and Ashel were surprised at how fast she ate, done in just a few minutes with the finality of the empty glass clanking onto the bar.

 

“Did you even taste it?” Deker elbowed her and she let out a laugh.

 

“You learn to ‘squat and gobble’ on the road and in the wilds. It’s hard to unlearn. But yeah, it was delicious. Thank you.” She said and slid some shard across the bar.

 

“That’s not necessary. Avad has paid for anything you need in advance.” Ashel said slowly, realizing she was giving away a secret. Aloy groaned.

 

“Great, next thing I know he’ll show up here.” She sighed and pushed at the shards. “Then keep them for yourself. I have more shards than I know what to do with, despite what people might think. And I have easy ways of getting more.”

 

Deker and Ashel just looked to each other as she got up and left the inn, trying to make her way through the market for the right merchant.

 

She weaved through people like a strand of silk in a tapestry. She completely belonged suddenly. She blended and adapted to city life quick. Much quicker than expected. The sun was finally streaming through the clouds and over the sands and mesas, warming her skin. People were abundant in the market, getting their morning errands done before the dawn hymn and a few drunk people finally going home.

 

Between dragging her feet and looking at the numerous stalls, she had been in the market for a while. People started to thin out and just as she found a promising shop. A seller of fine silk garments. She was about to go in when all foot traffic around her stopped. She looked around and heard the priests singing, the people in the temple who joined them, and those around her who murmured the words and stood in their place, face skyward and eyes closed. It was bizarre to her, but she felt the need to stay still. She saw a few Oseram who did the same as she did; just wait patiently. When the singing was over, everyone went back to whatever they were doing, as if nothing had happened. Aloy just shook her head and headed into the shop. She didn’t blend in here. It was a foreign land with a strange religion. She didn’t really belong anywhere with everything she learned from GAIA. Maybe it should be just her and GAIA-

 

“Hello there traveler!”

 

She was greeted by a woman in classic Carja design; lovely red silk, makeup, and black hair with very fair skin.

 

“Uh, hi. I’m here for some dress clothes for the festival?” She said it like a question, hoping she was wording her request correctly. 

 

“Right! The Sun King told me to expect you! Aloy of the Nora.” The woman held out her arm. “Nice to meet you finally! I’m the owner of this shop, Teelah.”

 

Aloy smiled and took her arm in a firm shake. “Nice to meet you Teelah.”

 

“Now, what do you have in mind?”

 

Aloy frowned and looked down at her blazon. She pointed at her armor. “This is about as Carja as I get. I like the design. It gives me free movement but it’s also nice to look at.”

 

“So you don’t mind showing skin? That’s a good note.” She said, taking out a small pad of paper and jotted down a few things. “Seeing as you are the guest of honor, Sun King Avad will expect you in something to make you stand out, I’m sure. I’ve known that since he gave me the orders and payment. But I want to make something that you feel extravagant in. What colors do you like?”

 

Aloy paused and sat in a small chair near her desk. “I love blue, it’s a color that’s been woven into my life since I can remember. But being all over and seeing the beautiful colors of other tribes it’s hard to turn some down. Reds and purples from Carja, the yellows and greys from the Banuk. I love the deep browns and oranges from the Oseram, the greens of the Utaru.” She babbled on, not exactly helping. “I don’t know what I would look good in honestly. I usually just buy armor.”

 

“Well, I love what the deep navy and the bright blue of that blazon due to your eyes. Brings out the gold in them. The yellow bit helps with that. I think you need some green in there to compliment your skin and hair. I can work with that. Now, the part I know you are going to dislike-”

 

“A dress. Yeah, not too happy about that. It’s just an odd concept for me.”

 

“I get it. How about a two piece outfit? A top and a skirt that allows for leggings underneath and movement?

“I would like that actually.”

 

Teelah made a few quick sketches and showed Aloy.

 

“Wow. That’s… beautiful.”

 

“So you approve?”

 

“Sure! I actually like it. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.”

 

Teelah laughed and grabbed her paper pad. “Come to the back with me, I need to get measurements.”

 

By the time Aloy left the shop she had high hopes for her outfit. She was excited to pick it up whenever it was done. Teelah said in a few days, she wasn’t worried when she left. 

 

The market wasn’t crowded, but steady. Aloy glanced towards the lodge and sighed. She couldn’t avoid her Sun Hawk forever. She made her way to the hunting lodge and found Talanah at the top of the stairs on the balcony, admiring the memorial to her family.

 

“About time you showed up.” She spoke before turning to Aloy with a smirk on her face.

 

“Yeah, well, I needed sleep and a bath.” She said with a shrug, a smile grabbing at the corner of her lips. Talanah laughed and gave her a warriors hug, strong and firm with a few pats.

 

“It’s good to see you, honestly.” 

 

“You too. I missed… everyone.” She said slowly, realizing it was the truth.

 

“Well, as long as you’re back, you are welcome to join in the hunt for some fun.”

 

“I might have to take you up on that.”

 

They shared a laugh and Talanah reached to her side pouch.

 

“I figured you’d come see me today so I have something for you.” She tossed Aloy the pouch and she opened it without hesitation. It was a beautiful red pendant with a golden chain attached.

 

“It’s a lense from Red Maw. I figured I could get it made into a nice, classy necklace with the right Oseram help.”

 

“Talanah, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

 

She smiled and Talanah leaned in towards Aloy, taking the necklace and helping her put it on. The pendant fell right between her clavicle, a little higher than she expected but it was a comfortable fit.

 

“There. Perfect.” Talanah leaned back only slightly then looked to Aloy. Before she realized what was happening, Talanah’s lips were on hers and oh god it felt amazing. Her lips were so soft and Aloy’s neck was burning. Aloy kissed her back, her body taking control. It wasn’t deep or long, just a quick, tender kiss. Talanah pulled away and smiled at Aloy’s blush.

 

“I’m flying my arrow into the ring.”

 

“F-for what?” She asked breathlessly. 

 

“To win your heart. There have been rumors and I am quite competitive.” 

 

Aloy couldn’t think of a response, her mind blank.

 

“Just think about it. I’ll see you at the party. You better not stand everyone up, Aloy Despite the Nora.”

 

And just like, Talanah was gone, leaving behind a confused and barely breathing Aloy.

 

“Rumors?” Was all she could whisper as her feet dragged her out of the lodge, her mind clouded. What rumors? Why was her heart suddenly some kind of prize? She thought back to earlier this morning. It really would be easier with just GAIA and herself. Aloy didn’t know how to feel. Her heart was excited but logic made her angry. She was no one’s prize.

 

She made a beeline for the palace to find the only person who could tell her what was going on, the spymaster. Aloy walked pointedly through the guards, one of them Jaxe, and straight to the balcony where Marad was keeping the nobles in a neat line. 

 

“We need to talk.” She through her teeth, a noble behind her making a complaint. 

 

“Sun King Avad will see you in just a moment Aloy, if you give him the time.” Marad said calmly.

 

“Not Avad. I need to talk to you.” She sneered, anger boiling on her skin. 

 

“I see.” He looked to the line and nodded. “I should be able to step away for a few minutes.” 

 

Aloy had already turned on her heel and gone to the balcony opposite the noblemen. Marad caught up with her.

 

“Is there something or someone in danger?” He prompted.

 

“No. But if anyone knows about this, it would be you. I have been in Meridian barely a full day. What rumors have been going on about me?”

 

Marad took a moment to read her expression. She looked angry of course, but under that was embarrassment and confusion. 

 

“Nobles are like children, Aloy. They cry for what they cant have and exaggerate the importance of idle chatter.”

 

Aloy shook her head. “That’s not what I’m talking about Marad. I’ve never cared what they said about me. I’m asking about the rumors concerning me personally.”

 

“Ah, those. I figured you would find out sooner or later, but I did not expect this kind of reaction.”

 

“What, that I’m angry that everyone now sees me as something to win? What a treat it would be to have the Savior of Holy Meridian to be on their arm. How was I supposed to react Marad? That is too personal.” She crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

 

“I’m sure that’s not how he intended you to take it. I’m sure he had hoped to talk to you himself before it slipped out. You should know that is not how Avad sees you.” Marad said in a pleading tone.

 

“Avad? I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about the little trip I just had to the Hunter’s Lodge and Talanah kissing me, saying she’s putting her name in a damned hat for me.” She exhaled through her nose and paused. “What on earth are you talking about?”

 

“Aloy?” Avad asked, walking away from the throne and coming to them.

 

“Oh dear. This has been a terrible misunderstanding.” Marad said as Avad came into their circle.

 

“What’s been a misunderstanding?” He turned to Aloy. “What’s going on?”

 

“That’s what I would like to know. One of you had better start to make sense.” She said and tapped her foot faster.

 

“My King, it appears that Aloy had an interesting interaction with the Sun Hawk and I mistook her complaint to be about your wishes. I might have said to much this time around.”

 

Aloy raised her eyebrows at Avad and he went pale. 

 

“Your  _ wishes _ , Avad?”

 

“Aloy, please understand. The last time I asked you to be at my side you were in the right to cut me down. I was in grief over Ersa. I had mistaken you as a replacement.” Her heart dropped into her stomach. Please, no. This could not be happening. “I had hoped this time you would consider it, seeing as you and I are close and both of us have reached our highest goals. I felt the timing was advantageous in asking you again. I suppose I hadn’t been very subtle about it.” He rubbed the back of his neck. Aloy dropped her hands.

 

“I came here to ask Marad what the rumors are that Talanah spoke of and it’s clear now.” She paused, seething. “Is this a joke to you? Now that I’m not fighting some awful war, do you think I’m just a prize?”

 

Avad was silent, feeling sick to his stomach. This was spiraling down quickly.

 

“This festival… was it really for the people, or for you to ask for my hand?” He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. She shook her head. “I thought you were better than this.”

 

She turned and ran out of the palace without another word. She only stopped when she reached the safety of her room in that small inn, so angry that tears came to her eyes. Talanah was supposed to be her friend not her lover. Avad was supposed to be someone she could lean on for support, not her husband. Could she not have friends? Actual friends? She lay down on her bed, though midday, and cried until the anger bled out of her, leaving a disheartened warrior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before yall get mad, yes I am in tears for Aloy. But sometimes a character needs to grow from darkness. You'll see. Avad got told off and Talanah needs to be put in her place too, I won't forget.
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT so I know SOMEONE OUT THERE is reading this. Please?
> 
> Chapter Songs;  
> When You Were Young - The Killers  
> King of Anything - Sara Bareilles  
> I'm Not Yours - Pure Youth


	6. Relinquish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The comfort Aloy seeks is closer than she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I am so happy you guys commented to tell me you are reading! AND where you were from?! That was cool. Love out to all of you! I am sorry this took forever, I'm in Pharmacy training right now so my mind is pretty... exhausted. But! Have fun with this chapter!!!

To say Erend was confused was to put it lightly. Word of a fight between Avad and Aloy had spread through Meridian like wildfire, accompanied by the kiss she shared with Talanah. It was a lot of talk and not a lot of substance. When he got off duty he headed straight for the inn.

When he opened the door, familiar faces hunched over tables turned to him. Ashel and Deker of course, but Vanasha, Talanah, and even Marad. He closed the door and the dim light consumed them.

“Anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?” He asked and folded his arms. Marad was the first to speak.

“Erend, there has been a wide misunderstanding-”

“No there hasn’t,” Talanah interrupted. “This is exactly what it looks like.”

“Do not speak like you are any better.” Vanasha looked down her nose at the Sun Hawk, making her turn away.

It was quiet again and Erend looked the group over.

“So it’s true then? All of it?” He asked.

“Right down to the huntress running from the Sun Palace.” Vanasha said softly and gave him an apologetic look. Erend narrowed his eyes and looked at Marad and Talanah.

“Why are you guys here? To rub it in?”

“Steady Cap, we have already tried to say sorry to her.” Talanah said and crossed her arms. “Minus Avad, who sent his messenger.”

“It was my mistake, not our beloved Sun King’s.” Marad tried to argue.

“Marad, the King’s intent was clear. You’d be a fool for thinking you are the one she is upset with.” Vanasha said sternly and stood, walking over to Erend. She set a hand on his forearm, his arms still tight across his chest.

“We came to help. At least, I did. She won’t answer to anyone. Ashel and Deker tried too, but got nothing. We were hoping you could help?” She said with a hint of compassion. 

Erend sighed and dropped his tough stance.

“What makes you think she’ll listen to me?”

“You got her to come back after all. Plus, I’m sure you are the closest thing she has to a real, true friend around here.” Vanasha smiled and wrinkled her nose a bit.

_Yeah. Friend. Not something else._  

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. After a moment he headed towards the stairs and stopped to look behind him.

“I think it’s time for everyone to leave. It’s late.”

He heard the scraping of chairs and whispers moments later, followed by the front door closing. In the silence, he dragged himself up the stairs, each creaking with his own anxiety.

_How do I even start? Do I just jump right in? Act dumb? I’m good at that._

Upon reaching her door, he hesitated.

_Just knock._

He reached out his hand and let his knuckles rap on the door. No answer in the seconds that passed.

_Why would she answer? She obviously wants to be alone._

“Aloy?” He called out.

Still silence.

“I uh, I heard what happened.” He paused and rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you need me to beat up my boss?” He added and laughed to himself. At that the door swung open. He saw an Aloy he had never seen. Leggings, yes. But hair tossed about with no beads or braids? Red eyes swollen from endless crying? And sloppy grin placed on her face like she heard a dark joke. He was frozen on the spot.

“No, that pleasure is mine.” She said, her voice hoarse. Despite everything, he was happy to see her. So much so that he smiled back at her as his heart melted. Strong as she was, everyone breaks. Everyone has weaknesses. And everyone, even Aloy, needed to break every now and then to get better.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asked, his loyalty rolling off him in waves, crashing into her and making her eyes hold back tears. She grabbed his arm and yanked him into her room, slamming the door behind them. At first her head was against the closed door while Erend found his balance behind her. He looked around the room and everything was either thrown, tilted, or outright destroyed. Goose feathers stirred on the floor in the wake of his boots, a few pillows demolished. He sighed and looked at all her pieces of armor, seeing her normal tunic abandoned next to her blazon top. She hadn’t even changed properly, just ripped off her armor he noticed as a tight wrappings that clung to her. With the millions of thoughts running through his head, the one that stood out the most was to comfort her.

Erend tore off his gloves and bracers, his vest and belt, even his armored panels and boots and let them scatter to the floor, watching the feathers move with each item tossed to the ground. When he looked down at his own hands he realised how wonderful it was to be out of the damned things. He looked up and saw Aloy’s back was against the door, her face looking down at the discarded armor pieces that belonged to them both.

“I can’t really fight like this, but if you need a punching bag, here I am.” Erend offered.

Aloy met his eyes and a tear fell down her cheek.

_Shit. Crap. Uhhh-_

Before he could backpedal, Aloy had her arms around him, her face drowned in his ochre scarf. Her shoulders shook and she sniffed, gripping his shirt. Erend wrapped his arms around her and rested her head on hers, letting her run dry. He absently rubbed her back, unsure of what else to do, and eventually she calmed. She backed up and wiped her face. Aloy looked up to Erend who had nothing but a small smile for her.

“Hi.” She croaked.

“Hi.” He smiled wider and she laughed a bit.

“Who bribed you to come here?” She said, running her fingers through her hair and rubbing her eyes.

“No one. I heard enough to know I needed to be here.” The words tumbled out before he could catch them, but she didn’t seem to care. “I hate to do this, but I have to hear from you what happened today.”

She nodded. “I get it, but I don’t have to say anything.” Aloy took her focus and placed it in Erend’s ear. “GAIA, start with the lodge and end here at the inn.”

She got up and left while Erend watched the whole thing, playing like a movie from Aloy’s point of view. The parts that didn’t have talking ran across his eyes quickly for him to have a better sense of what happened. When the playback finished, his eyes looked around the room. Aloy came from the bathroom with a comb and a few hair ties. He took the focus out and handed it to her. She sat on the bed next to him and he had butterflies. When had he even sat down? She placed the focus on the pack that held GAIA and sighed softly, wanting to curl up again.

“What an ass.” Erend said with no regard for his king in that moment. “I can’t believe… and Talanah! Both of them! Asses!” He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Watching him being so frustrated for her was endearing. It was a sign that he really was there for her, no matter what. She smiled to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I told you.”

Erend had the human equivalent of a question mark sound off in his head.

“I’m not good with people. I tried, but everyone wants me to… ‘be’ something.” She sighed and tapped the comb against her palm. She had nervous/anxious ticks and tapping was one of them, he knew. He grabbed the comb from her and huffed. 

“Turn.” He said simply. She didn’t question it. She turned her back to him and he combed her hair out, from the tip all the way up to the roots. It was relaxing for her, being taken care of… being cared for. She smiled softly and closed her eyes. It took him awhile to get her hair silky like it had been that morning but it was worth it. He ran his hand through her hair and she turned back to face him, the red curtains falling through his fingers.

“Thanks.” Aloy said as she took the comb he handed her.

“What did you do to your hair?”

“Hmm?” She ran her fingers through it and felt the softness. “Oh, its something Ashel gave me. Who knew it would take an Oseram to tame this hair, huh?”

He laughed a bit. “We are fairly vain about hair and grooming, I’ll admit that.”

She smiled and took her hair up, tying it off into a messy bun. She turned to lay the comb on the nightstand and Erend saw a flash of pink and white. His eyes zeroed in on the skin of her back that was bare.

“Aloy… your back.” Was all he could make out. His eyes traced the pink and white markings that branched across her skin like a pine tree or ice as it forms. They went up her shoulders and down her right bicep. It was like a vine of pain had grown under her skin.

She followed his eyes and looked away. “I can see my arm, I didn’t know it was on my back.”

“What is it?”

“Marks HADES left when I destroyed him. GAIA says it’s similar to scars from being struck by lightning.”

“Wait, humans can survive that?”

Aloy nodded. “Its rare, even back when the old ones lived, but it can happen.” She paused and looked to her right bicep. “I can’t see past this point.” She put her finger high on her shoulder and turned her eyes back behind her to meet his. “Show me.”

It seemed like a simple request but it was layered with questions and meanings. From her end and from his. He simply nodded and replaced her finger with his. He was suddenly so thankful he had taken off his gloves. His finger trembled but he did as she asked, ghosting from the high point of her shoulder to the blade of both her right and left arms. He was painting her a picture, literally. His strokes were careful and caring, gentle and hesitant. When he reached the center of her back and ran his finger over the fabric, her skin prickled and bumped, burning with the trail he left. His hand dragged down to the small of her back and stopped.

“It ends here.” He sounded as breathless as she felt. He lifted his hand off her skin and felt like he was going to die. He had a thousand questions but was trying to live in the moment.

“I’ll show…” She whispered to herself. She turned to Erend and he had an eyebrow quirked. “I went to a formal shop today and we designed my party dress. I didn’t know my back was like that. It’s going to show…”

He didn’t know where to start with that statement. She was going to wear a dress? Really? She was still going to the festival after everything she went through today? Did she care about scars?

“It’s not a bad thing. Hell, men brag about scars.” He smiled a bit and she laughed.

“I know, your guards are the worst!” She laughed again, biting down on the nail of her thumb. “Still, I’m already the center of attention. I should go down to the shop tomorrow and get it fixed.”

“I wouldn’t.” He spat out.

“Why not?”

“Because you did what no one else could do and even if you have a few scars it just proves how strong you are.” He said and their eyes met. His silver echoed into a light blue, the way her green eyes hid flecks of pure gold.

“I didn’t feel very strong today.” She said softly. Her hand strayed to his and gripped. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“For as long as you want me to be.” There was no point in trying to hide around her, it didn’t work. She blushed and he just smiled.

“I need a drink.”

Erend burst out laughing and she did the same.

“You really have changed.” He said with a light sigh.

“It’s a good thing.” She smiled back and stood, not letting go of his hand. He stood with her and was curious.

She led him out of the room and down to the deserted bar, Ashel and Deker the only ones awake. No one asked questions about why Aloy was ordering drinks to her room, or why she was holding his hand, or why she was nearly naked and Erend’s armor was missing. And no one would ask. She was safe here, where no one expected her to be anything. After leaving shards on the bar Aloy led Erend back up to her room, hand in hand. She waited to say anything until the drinks had arrived and they were alone.

“That’s a lot don’t you think?” He looked over the numerous glasses of ale and mead from the bed.

She let go of his hand and reached out for one. She let the glass come to her lips and tasted the sweet mead she craved. She licked her lips and looked over to him. “Yeah. And?”

He fought with himself. On the one hand, getting drunk together might lead to the best night of his life. On the other, that’s not how he wanted it to go down. He was respectable and she was worth more than that.

“And you’ve had an emotionally draining day, and I don’t think this is a good idea.”

She took another swig and looked at him like he was crazy.

“I know, that’s bad coming from me. But I learned my lesson, I don’t need to watch you learn yours.”

She closed her eyes and finished off the first mead. She let the empty glass rest on the floor.

“You don’t have to stay.” She said and it was like pouring water of hot coals. His stomach dropped and his face fell slightly, feeling so many negative emotions at once. Just as he was going to get up she leaned on his arm and gripped his hand. “But I’d like you to.” She said in a soft, reserved voice he had never heard used towards him before. Of course he would stay, that wasn’t even a question. But there was an important question in all this ocean of emotion.

“Aloy, are we friends?”

She looked up to him and rested her chin on his shoulder.

“Yes. At least, I thought so.” She was holding back. Yes they were friends… currently.

“Is there someone you want to be more than friends with?” He asked, fighting his cowardly side.

“Yes.” She said quickly and averted her eyes. She suddenly felt the weight of the red pendant around her neck like a hot wire. No, it wasn’t Talanah.

“Will you ever tell them?” He was outright challenging the gods at this point.

“I don’t have good timing, so…” She looked back up to his eyes. “I’m not sure when.” Oh, those eyes. Silver and blue like raindrops in the moonlight. She was glad the mead had already started to crawl through her veins, otherwise she’d have a full panic.

“Are you scared to tell them?” 

“Terrified.” She breathed.

They couldn’t look away from each other. He was asking one question after another, trying to get to the real answer when they both had the answer right in front of them. She didn’t want a King. She didn’t want a Sun Hawk. She didn’t want a decorated warrior or anything that wasn’t Erend. Aloy’s breathing kept stopping. Should she tell him? Right now? After crying all day and being an emotional wreck?

Erend was losing his mind. Those eyes, those lips, her hair, her soft voice. Everything that made her Aloy was more than any one person could handle but by the forge did he want to try. Her hair was a mess, her room was destroyed, her breath smelled of sweet mead, and she had never been more attractive to him than in this moment.

Her hand squeezed his for emotional balance and he was there, lending his hand, arm, and shoulder. She truly was terrified. Her one close friend that she could count on was here to support her, and she wanted so much more. Would he reject her? He had every right to. This wasn’t what either of them signed up for. She tried to search his eyes for the answer but it wasn’t there.

The answer was in his heart. Friends. He would be her friend, faithful until he died. But… if she would have him, he would love her until she couldn’t remember what it was like to be unloved. He felt like he was lying to her. Yes, he was her friend. But he wanted so much more. Not just friends with benefits, but an actual relationship with her. He was positive she would be furious with him. Lump him in with the others who tried to win her heart like a prize. She was no one’s to win and never would be. She was free like the northern wind, uncatchable and unstoppable. But, if he were lucky, this wind would grace him a fitful breeze from the fire. He kept searching her eyes and the gold always caught him off guard. She inched her face closer and he realized she was no wind, she was a storm on the horizon ready to strike at any moment.

He leaned down towards her and a hot streak ran up her spine and around her neck. She wasn’t imagining this. He was malleable to her touch, inclined to her thoughts. It was frightening and made her blood race. She smiled and bit her lip.

“It’s okay to be scared, right?” She whispered.

He took a gulp of air and nodded. “With these things? Don’t know any other way.”

She closed her eyes and Erend did the same, both of them taking a leap of faith.

Her lips touched his first and it was like the shock from HADES still resided in her, lightning coursing over her skin to his. He wanted to jump back but the warmth saved the moment. Her lips were warm and soft on his. He leaned into her and kissed her deeper, finding that she was barely breathing but willing. He took a risk and let his tongue drag along her bottom lip, the taste taking him higher than any amount of ale could. She was eager and opened her lips to let him inside, an opportunity he would not squander. His tongue touched hers and she was on fire. It took her by surprise, her hands moving up to grip the lappels of his shirt to pull him even closer.

She pulled too hard too fast and they tumbled backwards. Erend caught himself on either side of her head, both of their eyes snapping open. Her grip slacked but her hands stayed where they were, locked onto his shirt. Her face was red from being so forward and so easily accepting his kiss. He looked down at her with the most adorable blush she had ever seen on him. The very sight of him hovering over her, both scared and cute was enough to break her from the spell and laugh.

He smiled and chuckled, trying to convince himself that this really happened. He wasn’t crazy. But that laugh of hers, that pure and unbidden laugh. He would do anything to keep her that happy.

She smiled and looked up to him, raising a had to his cheek.

He pressed into her hand hummed softly.

“Still scared?” He asked in a whisper.

“You make it easy not to be.” She said and he looked down to her knowing he would never love someone like he loved her. He smiled and sat up, bringing her with him.

“Maybe I will have a drink or two.” He said, his face as red as could be. “I might need it now.”

She grabbed another mead and clinked her glass to his.

“Cheers.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHELLP!!!! That took longer than it should have. And that was just a kiss!!!! HA! Wait for the rest. Anyways, please tell me you are all still out there. Love you all! 
> 
> Chapter Songs:  
> Sky Full of Song - Florence + The Machine  
> Old Flames - Coheed and Cambria


	7. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First night together turns out for the best.

After her second drink had settled in, her cheeks and lips were fully flushed. Erend took in his ale quickly and sighed. It was nice to feel open around her, yet he was terrified of her. 

“So we’re friends with kisses?” She asked and he laughed, sitting on the bed with her. 

“However you want to label us is up to you. As long as I get to be with you, I could care less what you call it.” 

“Well I kissed Talanah, her and I are friends. So I need something better for you and I.” She bit her lip.

“I thought she kissed you?” He asked, nearly choking on his second glass. 

Aloy simply rolled her eyes. “She kissed me first but I kissed her back. That’s not the point though.”

Erend took a long sigh, trying to stabilize his ever foggy mind. “Friends with benefits, lovers, your boyfriend, honestly Aloy, I don’t care.” He paused and looked to her. “I just want to be with you.”

She turned all different shades of red, because god knows she wants all of that from him and more.

“I want you too.” She said softly, an innocent confession. Erend thought he might be having a stroke but he would gladly feed this totally not real fantasy.

“How long?” He asked, his voice a little tight.

She was quiet and thought through her own haze. “The day you granted Dervahl mercy as Avad ordered you. You could have gotten your revenge but in that second… you chose to do what was best for everyone, not just you. That kind of strength…” She paused and grabbed a third glass, taking a sip. “I’ve been so selfish during my journey. I wasn’t looking at the grand scheme of things, I just wanted results. I wasn’t strong enough to put my needs second. Not until that day.” She looked back to him and rested her body on the bed.

“That day, I said I would give you two minutes of my time. I wanted to say you could have any of my time you wanted. I was too scared of what lurked ahead to admit it. And in time I learned when to put myself first, until I ran.”

Her heart beat faster and she watched his body language change from on guard to relaxed.

“I missed you.” He confessed too.

* * *

Three meads for Aloy and two large ales for Erend later, they found themselves comfortably warm on the bed. Erend has his back against the wall, legs folded in front of him. Aloy was sitting with her legs crossed vertically on the wall, her back on the bed. At some point her hair had gotten out of it’s bun and was flowing like copper streams over the edge. Her face and chest were pink from the mead and she was in the middle of exaggerating Avad’s face when he had walked in between Marad and herself, her hand gestures wild. Erend just smiled. She was frustrated, but she was so cute right now.

“I really could have used your muscles today, where were you?” She slurred. 

Erend blushed, thinking about all the ways he could use his muscles for her while nursing a third ale.

“I was working. You know that guy you want me to beat up? He’s kind of in charge around here and I sort of work for him.” He laughed a bit and took a large swig. Aloy snorted and nodded. 

“I know, but still. Would’ve been funny.” She looked up at him and smiled. She watched him swallow and something about the way his throat moved did things for her. Erend watched her as if it were in slow motion, sitting up and crawling over to him. She very slowly nudged his legs to be straight, his ale to be on the side table, and she swung a leg over his lap, just hovering her weight over him while brushing aside a curtain of red hair. She reached out and let her fingers feel the scruff of his cheeks. The curls were rough but it felt so nice.

Erend cleared his throat and tried to ignore everything his body was telling him to do. He kept his arms to the side, not touching a single patch of skin.

“Aloy, I think you’ve had enough.” He said it quickly, no anger, just a warning.

“Enough mead, sure.” She smirked and scratched his face slowly, letting her weight settle in his lap. Oh god, he was going to die. He tried to take a deep breath but the room was much hotter than it had been earlier.

“This isn’t what you want.” He said, trying painfully hard to ignore how little was between his erection and her lap.

She suddenly leaned down and kissed him deeper than before. It was only their second kiss but she felt like a master. The way her lips slipped against his, the way her tongue lay flat against his just to get a taste, the moan in the back of her throat coming up so freely. He was being dragged under with her, kissing her back like he was a dying man and this was his last wish. Something in his mind was still working though, because his hands only rested on her back. She pulled back suddenly after giving Erend a little bite on the lip. His eyes were wide but she was all emeralds. 

“Oh Erend,” She said softly and leaned in to whisper into his ear. “You have no _idea_ what I want.”

The mead was heavy on her tongue as her breath brushed the shell of his ear. He shivered, he didn’t have control for a moment. His hips pushed up against her and she let out the most scandalous gasp. He groaned and gripped her arms around her biceps to push her back. He was physically powerful when he needed to be, holding her at an arm’s length like she was a ragdoll.

“Aloy, I know _exactly_ what you want. I want it too. But not like this.” He said, trying so hard to make his mind clear.

“I can change your mind.” She said with a smirk and licked her lips. Erend was in hell. Pure hell.

“I swear, Aloy.” He said in a small growl, trying to fight himself. “This isn’t gonna happen. Not tonight.” _It wouldn’t be right._

She frowned and that was somehow worse than the sultriness.

“I will stay with you all night. We can kiss and talk or do nothing at all. I’ll be right here for you. But that is not going to happen. I’m sorry.”

“You’re the worst.” She complained and ran her fingers through his mohawk. He chuckled and nodded.

“I know, I’m cockblocking myself. I’m the worst.”

She laughed and leaned down to give him a small tender kiss. She eventually rested her arms on his shoulders and proceeded to talk about her horrible day. She threw in a few things Erend didn’t understand. ‘Playback’, ‘Optimize’, and ‘Biometric’ to name a few. He swore she was speaking another language, but he was there for her. She hadn’t talked to anyone else today. She didn’t open that door to anyone but him. He wasn’t about to throw that opportunity away. A chance to bathe in the loving trust she drowned him in was his absolute best night ever.

* * *

When she woke she wasn’t surprised at her surroundings. Her eyes were met with bright morning light, but also dark brown hair sticking up from the sheets, along with deep breathing and a pale chest with curly hair.

She sat up and let the sheets fall off them. He kept his pants on but at a point she can’t remember, he had gotten rid of his shirt. She looked down at herself, her chest coverings on, but her leggings had been tossed off, only her shorts left. Aloy turned back over at Erend, sleeping soundly, his face so relaxed and half covered in a purple silk pillow. She looked him over, trying to remember everything. Not from last night, just him as he was sleeping. His muscles on his chest were easy to see. His abdomen was hard but also a tiny bit soft. She smiled to herself. She knew there were amazing abs under there, but he was Oseram build which meant he would always be stocky. And yet, that was so attractive to her. He didn’t miss his meals or have to struggle to find food. He worked hard and used his body to the fullest. It was… reliable.

She leaned down and kissed his cheek.

“Five more kisses.” Me mumbled.

“It’s supposed the be ‘five more minutes’.” She laughed out.

“I know what I said.” He smiled and opened his eyes, taking in the amazing sight that was her, barely dressed in the morning. He took a minute to sit up before kissing her on the lips. He would never miss a chance to kiss her ever again. She giggled and he pulled away.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize last night, but your mustache tickles.” She said while rubbing her mouth. He had an evil look in his eye.

“Trust me, you’ll want me to keep it.” He was surprised at his own boldness but hey, he was half naked, she was half naked, and he didn’t really have to hold back from her anymore. Not unless she asked. Aloy smiled and rested a hand on his chest, running her fingers through his curled black hair. She felt his strong heart beating against her thumb and it was like a beacon. A call for her to come home, though she didn’t have a home anymore. She lived everywhere.

He rested his hand on hers and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Are you still going to the festival?”

She nodded after a moment of thought. “Yeah. I need have a little fun. People are stressful but, you seem to make everything less.” She smiled to him. “So, you’ll go with me, right?”

“The lady gets what she wants, especially if it’s me.” He gave her an adorable crooked smile and she laughed a bit. She dropped her hand and let in fall into her lap. She groaned.

“What’s wrong?”

“I have to go to that damn shop and get my dress fitted. And fixed.” She added with a deep frown. Erend’s hand slipped to her lower back and he leaned in to give the lines on her shoulder a kiss.

“I told you last night you don’t need to cover it up. I mean, you don’t cover up the one on your head. Where that kid threw a rock at you?” He asked, to jog her memory.

“I know, but that’s my face, hard to cover that up.”

There was a silence that stretched between them and Erend took the sheet off him, coming to sit on the edge of the bed near her.

“If you want to cover it up, I won’t argue with you. It’s your body.” He paused and turned his head to her. “But I think it’s amazing and nothing to be ashamed of. It should strike fear into the hearts of men that you lived with lightning in your veins. Make them think twice, even if you are in a fancy getup.”

He always made her feel good, why had she never seen this before. She nodded and took it into consideration.

“Well, want to go with me? I should go early so she can get it done by tonight.”

“I’ve got nothing better to do today than spend time with you.” He said and stood slowly, grabbing his shirt and tugging it on.

“Aw don’t put that on, I like it off.” She said without a hint of shame. He turned to her and wasn’t sure at first how to respond. After pulling his head and arms through, he looked back.

“And I would love to see you like that everyday, but I’m sure people want us decent for the marketplace. 

“Decent is relative.”

They both laughed and she got up and dressed despite her words. It was going to be another hot day so her Blazon was her first choice. Once they were both dressed she reached for the door.

“Wait.”

She turned to see what was wrong but found herself pinned roughly to the door and kissing him with their armor annoyingly in between them. He was _such_ a good kisser that she could do this all day and more. He pulled away just before she lost herself and he was smiling. Before she could ask, he gave her a very quick peck to follow up. His hands loosened around her.

“Okay, we can go now.”

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that?”

“I did say five more kisses.”

She laughed and grabbed the door handle and his hand.

“You better hope I never tell your men how much of a softie you are.”

“And if you do I get to yell at them while knowing how damn happy you make me.”

She grinned and opened the door, ready for their day to begin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who is still with me! I send you all my love, especially considering I am in the middle of Erend's cosplay for my husband. C2E2 is 20 days away and its not near done. Can you say crunch time? This is what i get for demanding real leather.
> 
> Tumblr is @artemistei
> 
> Chapter songs:  
> Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol  
> Starcrossed Losers - The Fratellis


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